To Build Or To Plant

An anonymous text from the Tradition says that, in life, each person can take one of two attitudes: to build or to plant.

The builders might take years over their tasks, but one day, they finish what they're doing. Then they find they're hemmed in by their own walls. Life loses its meaning when the building stops.

Then there are those who plant. They endure storms and all the many vicissitudes of the seasons, and they rarely rest. But, unlike a building, a garden never stops growing. And while it requires the gardener's constant attention, it also allows life for the gardener to be a great adventure.

Gardeners always recognise each other, because they know that in the history of each plant lies the growth of the whole world.

-Paulo Coelho

Prakash Iyer: Life lessons from a glass of water!

A chemistry professor decided to teach his students a different lesson one day. Holding a glass of water in his hand, he asked the students, “How much do you think this glass of water weighs?” “500 grams!” came a voice from the back. “600,” said another student. “I don’t really know!” said the professor, holding the glass up to make sure everyone could see it. “And unless we weigh it, we won’t know.” With the glass still in his outstretched hand, the professor continued, “What will happen if I hold it like this for a few minutes?”

“Nothing!” came the reply. “Right, and if I hold it for an hour like this, what might happen?” “Your hand will begin to hurt,” said a student. “Indeed. And what would happen if I held the glass in my hand like this for 24 hours?”

“You would be in tremendous pain,” said one student. “Your hand will probably go numb,” said another. “Your arm will be paralysed and we’ll need to rush you to the hospital!” said a student on the last bench.

“True,” said the professor. “But notice that through all this, the weight of the glass did not change. What then causes the pain?”

The class went quiet. The students seemed puzzled.“What should I do to avoid the pain?” asked the professor. “Put the glass down!” said a student.

“Well said!” exclaimed the professor. “And that’s a lesson I want you to remember. The problems and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. But think about it a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralysed – incapable of doing anything. It’s important to remember to let go of your problems. Remember to put the glass down!”

We may not have been in that classroom that day, but it’s a lesson we would all do well to remember. Put the glass down! Always. It’s not just problems and worries. Sometimes, we feel hurt and betrayed by a friend. And we carry that grudge through our lives. It grows and causes us anguish and pain. Learning to forgive – and forget – is not just good for the other people, it’s great for you. Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in jail and when he was finally freed, you can understand how angry and vengeful he must have felt. But guess what? When he became President, he invited his jailers to be present at the inauguration – in the VIP seats! If he could forgive after 27 years of suffering, surely we can too.

It is the same with our fears too. A failure or an incident in early childhood becomes a deeply entrenched fear over time. Fear of public speaking, fear of Maths, fear of rejection. You name it, and chances are, we have it. Someone gave us that glass to hold when we were little kids – ‘you are clumsy, you are no good, you can’t do it’ - and we have faithfully held on to it all our lives. ‘I can’t’ - becomes a thought that stays in our mind and grows – leading us to complete paralysis. Time to put the glass down!

The story goes that there was a hardworking man who lived a contented life with his wife and children. Every evening when he returned from work, he’d follow a ritual. Outside the door to his house were three nails. On the first one, he’d put his hat. On the second he’d hang his coat. And on the third nail, he’d unwrap an imaginary turban from his head and ‘put’ it there. A friend happened to see this and enquired what he was putting on the third nail every day.

“Those are my problems, my worries and my anger,” said the man. “I have lots of that at work, but when I come home, I remember to take it off – and leave them outside. I don’t take them home with me.” Maybe you should learn to do that too. Starting today. Put the glass down. And see the difference!

Prakash Iyer is MD, Kimberly-Clark Lever and Executive Coach. For more inspiring life lessons, read Mr Iyer's new book The Habit of Winning.

In a relationship, married or not... YOU SHOULD READ THIS!

ok ... so the following is not my work ...just found it on net , thought i should share...

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Desire ...

come what may in the heart of desire

that once may have come

but now gone forever

this life as they say it

not much to ponder upon really

as i go on and on with it

the path i tread

not leading anywhere

and so long that fate

so long thy destiny

not caring what destiny beholds

but still wondering about it

is all this meant to be

or are these just hurdles in path

as i go down memory lane

all i have ever cherished

seem so futile

so unimportant

the goals i had

not seeming any closer

but i still pray at night

rather sometimes cry at night

in the hope that something

will surely come out of it all

something substantial

something happy

Memories . . . :)

I remember papa carrying me on his shoulders and me feeling on top of the world :)

The constant 'bhaoos ' I did to my parents with the intention of surprising them  :P , which now that I think must have been so cute … now when I see sara doing something similar,  aww my baby sister !!, she's so cute!!!! 

The doyi chais by my mother, the malishing of my back and head when I felt down,  fighting with my sister over riding that white horse, and all other special times we have spent together!! :)

Then came school (NPS)

The one time I got so obsessed with an umbrella that I forgot my bag in the bus!

Running to the swings when the break bell rang :)  and ya then sometimes vomiting  sometimes after having water after play :P , sleeping on the tables, playing with clay , and of course wall touch ,  it was simply amazing !!!

Then change of school (SPS)

New school, new friends, the twin incident :P, the tie race, 'tera haath hai ya hathoda' lolzz!!  :P,

My first solo singing prize ! :D

The embarrassing 14th feb of class 7th !!!  :P

Chattarpur trip,

Then came 9th and 10th , made some really amazing friends!! :D ,  the damsharats ,  and ya boards!

In came 11th and 12th,

Going to B sec whenever free! Just so I could be with my besties !! :D  <3   Luv you all !!   <3

//msf iaym .. one month of complete fun!!! and some work too.. miss you guys !! \\

,  farewell,  and made more some very amazing friends during this course of time :D

One particular who stood out as i never expected to be such good friends good with her in such a short duration…  'mujhe nhi pta tha tu itni mast hai yaaaaar!!!!'  :P :P , the hugs …. The few times we meet ….. All worth it ! <3

and the  girl who simply radiated happiness and masti !, who  when tensed seemed lyk ,  isse kya ho gya yr!! hehe :P

also the totally in love couple who sat behind me  ;)

My first raksha bandhan . . . . :)

Niamat rai  . . . Rubik's cube !! :D

And how can I forget the ppl who were there throughout my school life at sps!!!

My bus friends!!  :)

All of it was so fun and entertaining !!  The fights , the water fights,  the khana dedo , paani dedo,   'chep' , 'saali', 'om shanti om' , 'sai ke ra hai' , 'aahun aahun' , 'tum ho tho',  'nhi dena fir ..? '  lol!!! :P,  gala faar ke gaana ! 

Loved every bit of it !!!  :D

Love you guys to the core!!!!!  <3

I Hate It . . . . . !

I hate it when people underestimate me.

I hate it when they overestimate me.

I hate when there's no one I can pour my heart out to.

I hate it when my friends seclude me.

I hate it when they think I wont mind.

I hate it when I let them think that I wont mind.

I hate it when the right word simply skips my mind.

I hate it when I am compared to the world outside.

I hate it when I am expected to do what others do.

I hate it when I abide by this even when my heart tells me not to.

I hate it when I feel so weird.

I hate it when I have the mood swings.

Much more when it swings to cry.

I hate it when I cry at night.

I hate it when I don’t know why.

I hate the fact that so often I hate myself.

I Love It.....!

I love it when I get a text from the right person at the right time.

I love it when they make me feel special.

I love it when people praise me.

I love it more when it is for the right reason.

I love it when I feel so happy.

I love it more when I can recall the exact reason for it.

I love it when everything seems right.

I love it when the sun shines bright.

And the last line was written only because it rhymes :P

I love it when I am so in love with everything !   :)